


What the Bloody Hell is Going On?

by bitchy_broken



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:19:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4564428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchy_broken/pseuds/bitchy_broken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Au</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a couple of weeks since Rae Earl had been discharged from the mental home, but it felt like months. She had to get out of the house as often as possible as she couldn’t bear to hear her mum shagging her Tunisian stowaway boyfriend every morning, noon and night. But when she was out of the house she always felt uncomfortable - more uncomfortable than usual. It felt like somebody was following her, she could sometimes hear footsteps, but whenever she turned round there was never anyone there. She would occasionally clock a ginger haired lad nearby, but he was always doing his own thing, like listening to his Sony Discman or sitting on a bench in the park eating Monster Munch.

This boy didn’t call her names like the others did, but he did look at her an awful lot. Rae assumed he was thinking up something especially nasty to say about her ready for the start of college. This boy has a reputation for being a bit of an evil genius. He once named a girl ‘Chinderella’, and it had spread like wildfire. Perhaps the reason he keeps offering her Monster Munch and Wagon Wheels is so he can name her something, like Monster Wagon. Anyway there’s no way she’s giving him the opportunity. Whenever she sees him she goes the other way.

So today was like every other day of the summer holidays so far. She had woken up to the sound of loud groans and her mum’s headboard banging against the wall. She wrote in her diary about her boring life, had breakfast, got dressed and headed off for the park. But as she got to end of her street she spots something purple on the ground, she’s only gone and found 20 bloody quid. Her plans change immediately and she heads for Town Records. Rae loves it in Town Records, it’s one of the few places she feels welcome. And as an added bonus on the weekends and school holidays there’s a boy that works there who is an epic slice. She’s spoken to him a couple of times and he always seems nice, always interested in what she’s looking for. She runs through the door today to be engulfed in a heady mix of musty records, boy sweat and CK1, which makes her instantly smile.

“Hello Mae, you looking for anythin in particular today?”

“Err its Rae and yes I’ve got a few things in mind.”

“Ok Raymond, what yer after?”

“You cheeky bastard”, Rae quips then flushes pink when she considers the possibility that he’s flirting with her. ‘Well I’ve have had enough of Mark bloody Goodier talking over the end of ‘Female of the Species’, when I’m tryin to tape it off radio. So I’m lookin for Spiders, but I also fancy a Kinks Greatest Hits - any chance I can have em both for 20 quid?”

Finn is just about to quiz her on her choices and agree to Rae’s demands, when the ginger lad pops up from behind one of the shelves offering to buy them for her. This makes them both jump and Rae eyes bulge in shock, “Erm, sorry, why would you want to do that? Are you taking the piss? You’re always hanging about, offering me stuff, trying to find summit to have over me are yer? I’ve got enough nicknames already”

Finn looks at the boy trying to work out what’s going on, “Hey Simmy, have yer been harrassin Raymond?”

"Don’t call her that, her names Rachel; does she look like a bloke to you?” Simon turns to Rae trying to explain that he would never call her names and that he missed her at the end of last term when she disappeared from school. Although Simon was a year older than Rae, he had to re-take some of his GCSE’s to be able to study the A Levels he wanted to do at college.

Rae becomes even more puzzled by the situation, she doesn’t want to hear this, she doesn’t know who is or trust him and she needs to get away. But her feet won’t move she’s stuck to the spot and she can’t breathe properly. Simon approaches her wanting to help, asking her to count to 10 enquiring whether he can get her a Caramac or something. 

She becomes so incensed by his words that she stops panicking, “What do yer mean? Why are yer always offering me food? I’m not a dog. You think cos I’m fat I need treats?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I wanted to help, I just thought you liked em”.  
“How do you know I like em? How did you even know the other things I like?” She looks up at this boy and she realises something, “you’ve been following me haven’t yer?


	2. Chapter 2

“Just stay away from me”, Rae turned and fled the shop leaving her newly purchased cd’s on the counter.

All the way home Rae tried to fathom what had just happened. This boy was definitely trying to think of a way to humiliate her when college starts. She tried to comprehend how this lad even knew her. And him following her, that was just weird! Worst of all, it all happened in front of the beautiful brown eyed boy that worked in her favourite shop. She was halfway home when she realised that she’d left her new tunes behind. After careful consideration she decided it would be safer to go back for them immediately. The weird boy would probably have left already.

When Rae arrives back at the shop, she can hear shouting and it seems that the boy Simmy is still there and he’s arguing with Mr freckles. The door was left ajar from when Rae scarpered out of it before, so she could hear what was going on;

“I’m not gonna ask again Simmy, what you upta wi Rae?”

“What’s it to you anyway Finn?” Simon flushed red; he hadn’t expected any of this. He’d never worked out how to approach Rae - she was so cool, so funny, and pretty, what could he say to her? But when he heard Finn bloody Nelson flirting with her he felt he just had to do something.

Finn was staring straight at him like he could read his mind, “You fancy her don’t yer?”

“Fuck off; have you seen her? Why would I fancy that?”

“Errrrr cos she’s hot, smart and funny”

“What’s wrong wi you Nelson? Her best friend not enough for yer?”

“What you talkin about? What best friend?”

“Chloe Gemmell”

“I’m not wi Chloe - what she’s friends wi Chloe? How comes she’s never wit Chloe?”

“You’ll hafter ask her that. Anyway hand them cd’s over and I’ll take em to Rachel”

“You’re not going anywhere near Rae, I’ll take em to her”  
“I know your game Nelson, and you’re not getting her. If you go out wi’ her I’m gonna give her a prize winning nickname at college”

“You wouldn’t do it - you, you, you like her too much”, Finn was worried by this turn of event. He’d liked Mae for weeks and was going to ask her out  
“You wanna bet? Why’d yer think I named Chinderella?….


	3. Chapter 3

Rae’s standing outside the shop gawping, she cannot believe it; There’s 2 boys inside Town Records and they seem to be arguing over her, not just arguing; it sounds like it’s turned into a scuffle. "What the bloody hell is going on? “ Rae breathes out. Her face is now scrunched in utter confusion trying to imagine why Mr Freckles would want to go out with her? She didn’t think he’d be the sort of lad to pick on a girl and go out with them to take the mick. Perhaps he’s partially sighted or has a fetish for girls that are loud, fat and annoying. "Who cares why, he wants to whistle through your wheat field Rae - he’s a total slice”, she whispers to herself. 

Seeing Finn in the record shop on occasion has been the highlight of Rae’s summer holidays. Every time she’d seen his lovely face and perfect behind, she remained happy for the rest of the day. And sometimes he had a starring role in some particularly saucy dreams which may have led to her travelling through the mystical orgasm gateway.

Rae decides, she needs to join the discussion inside; she doesn’t want Simmy’s threat to work; but she also doesn’t want a prize winning nickname, her nerves wouldn’t be able to take it. Thinking about it for a moment she actually feels empowered by her newly acquired insights and takes a confident step through the shop doorway. “I forgot me effing tunes”, she almost sings.

Both boys look up from their skirmish looking startled and dishevelled replying in unison, “err what?”

“My tunes, I forgot my tunes and if I remember correctly you offered to buy them for me Simon”, Rae said smiling sweetly. “It was really kind of you and I thought that you might wanna come back to mine and listen to them? Me mum’s got some Walnut Whips too?”

Simmy is astonished by this news and is barely able to keep the excitement from his face. He fumbles through his coat looking for his wallet while Finn looks on in horror. “I’d love to Rachel, erm I mean yeah I s'pose, I haven’t got anything else on’, he replies trying to hide his pure joy. He hands £20 to Finn who is still stood staring at them in stunned silence.

"What you doing Rae?” Finn questions.

“I just realised how rude it was of me to run off after such a generous offer”

“He’s been following you Rae, who knows what else he could do?”

Simmy immediately apologised to Rae explaining that he thought she was cool and he wanted to hang out but didn’t know how to approach her.

“See he just wants to be mates”, Rae grasps Simmy by the hand to lead him out of the shop, but as she steps through the door she looks over her shoulder to smile and wink at Finn, “laters Nelson”.


	4. Chapter 4

As they descend the stairs outside the shop, Rae feels less confident, she hadn’t really formed a strategy; she just wanted to delay this bloke for a bit so she could contrive a plan of action. No ideas were forming and she opted for getting him pissed in the hope he would make a dick out of himself. She could have something over him; give him a pseudonym!

They’d been walking for a good 5 minutes in silence, Rae was so deep in thought she forgot Simmy was there until he spoke and startled her out of her torpor, “Shall we get some chips from Golden Plaice on’t way?”

“I have a better idea, howbout we go via the shop for some booze?”

“You on it today Rachel?”

“You know you can call me Rae don’t yer? I thought we could just have a few drinks and get to know each other”.

They exchanged stories all the way to the Off License; Rae started to believe that Simmy was quite smart and funny. And his excitement for her was very contagious, he was so attentive and she was very flattered. Simmy insisted on paying for the Vodka and Tia Maria before heading back to Rae’s house for some fun. Simmy was secretly hoping that this could lead to more than friendship, he’d thought about her so much and the idea of ending the day with a cuddle or even a kiss from his dream girl made his heart swell. He even dared to dream that he could lose his V plates with her at some point. 

As they amiably wandered back to Rae’s, she starts to feel that she could possibly be friends with this chap, but this feeling didn’t last very long as Simmy suddenly started hollering at a boy across the road. “Oi, oi, its Aqua Boner - how’s it going unicorn balls”. Rae noticed how distraught the lad seemed and felt sick from the shame of standing with the person causing the pain. Simmy was still smirking when he turned to speak to Rae, “I bet he pisses the bed”. Rae grimaced an apologetic smile to Aqua Boner and realised there is no possible way that she can be friends with this arsehole.

No more doubts she’s gonna get him lorded, she’s gonna get something over him and then she’s gonna bag the most interesting, sweet, hot bodied Adonis when she’s done.  
_____________

Finn is still aghast and motionless behind the shop counter feeling angry and upset. He’d almost rubbed himself raw on many of a night thinking of Rae, only to have all his hopes ruined by that ginger prick. 

He wrinkled his brow in confusion so much that his eyebrows met in the middle forming a unibrow. He couldn’t work it out. What was she trying to say? What did that wink mean?

Finn spent the last 4 hours of his shift biting his finger nails to the bone. He wasn’t just upset that Rae might not like him back, but she could be in danger. That wanker had been following her and it was clear he wanted more than to hang out. Finally his boss showed up to take over and he pelted straight to Chloe’s house to find out Rae’s address. 

Chloe was quite taken aback by the vision of Finn Nelson sweating and panting at her door. Only his reason for being there was very disappointing - he hadn’t come to see her, he was babbling on about Rae. "Why yer going on about Rae? She’s in France.”

"What? She’s not in France. She comes i'nt shop every few days - are you even friends?”

“She’s me best mate, at least I thought she was. Why’d yer wan’ her?”

“She’s in danger, she took Simmy back to hers and he’s been following her about offering her Kit Kats and stuff”. He left out the fact that he was also very jealous and became very uncomfortable in the trouser department every time he saw her. 

Chloe was really miffed that Rae had been back all of this time without contacting her. And it looked as if her secret crush was a bit too interested in her best mate. But she had to put her feelings aside as her pal might be in trouble. "Hold on I’ll get me coat and I’ll show you.”

Finn didn’t really want her to, she always held on a bit more than was necessary on the back of his scooter, but he knew there was no way of getting out of it on this occasion. 

Finn had a feeling that Chloe had a bit of a crush on him, he’d even received a love letter that had the same fragrance as her and suspected she may have been the author. She was a nice enough girl and he’d even considered having a bit of a fumble with her, but a gorgeous curvy girl with killer taste in music came into his life and blew the thought of any other girl away.

_______________

Back at Rae’s the couple had drunk the whole bottle of vodka and were working their way through the Tia Maria. She was very surprised how much booze this lad could take. Other than saying some very frightful things about the other students that were going to be at college in the new term she couldn’t get any juicy details about him. 

As Simmy was getting more and more drunk he was trying to keep it together in the hope of a snog with his brown eyed girl, and was getting unquestionably giddy in her company.

Rae could see how excited he was becoming and decided to take things up a notch, she was not proud of what she was about to do; she had to remind herself of the horrible things that he says to people. With her mum’s Polaroid hiding behind her she became a little bit cheeky, "So Simon what I really want to know is…..Do you have matching collar and cuffs?”

Simmy spat his drink out in a guffaw, “you been thinking about it have yer?”  
“Oh yeah, I wanna see your orange candy floss”  
“Well you can see my bits if I can see yours”, Simmy couldn’t hide his excitement as the swell in his pants was very obvious to see.

“Ok you first”, the words had only just passed her lips when Simmy trousers hit the floor only to reveal his enormous boner.

Rae had to act quickly and feigned pleasure at this sight whilst pretending to remove her top, but instead she grabbed the camera and started taking pictures of his startled face. Realising what was happening he tried to grab the photos from her at the exact moment that Finn and Chloe burst through the door. God knows what it looked like to them, but it didn’t look good as Finn leapt across the room and started punching Simmy square in the face until blood started to poor from his nose. The girls had to pull him off so Rae could explain what was really happening. Finn grabbed Simmy and his clothes and threw him out of the house telling him that if he ever came near Rae again or called her any names they would circulate the pictures of his ginger pubes.  
Rae was so turned on by Finns actions that she was going to need a canoe and life jackets, “You looked so good then, proper manly.”

Finn blushed pink at having to share his feelings in front of Chloe, “I were right scared you were gonna go out wi him”

“Oh yer, why’s that then?”

“Cos I wanted to ask if you wanna come bowling wi me?”

Rae said she would love that and they both stood giggling and blushing at each other.

She was so happy that she was going to get the opportunity to throw a pint of sex in his face!

The end


End file.
